12/10: Creating Epiphanies
Epiphanies are what I seek. Inspiration for my soul. I'd say the Epiphany experience is one of the reasons I have written so much, I know how to induce epiphanies...well, I know how to open the possibilities. Sometimes I overload myself with information, sometimes I'll go on extremely long walks, but the experience is the same, I suddenly realize something and everything just seems to connect. If I seem to be having troubles inducing an epiphany, I will completely change my frame of mind from several days to many weeks. Though I seem like I'm online all the time, I actually have long periods of downtime.
I went through a long period of "internalizing" a variety of theories, all the better way to understand them is to become them. People don't understand this method. It's NOT devil's advocate. Sometimes it might be, but most the time it is a real attempt to understand why a position isn't taken. I'm not someone else's devil, I'm my own devil. Rarely do I attempt to repeat this anymore, I think it is better to use other methods anymore, especially sense I seem to have chosen myself. I take the position on more when I see something new that I don't understand and I want to cheat and understand it by becoming it. It is a far faster method, but people hate you later for defending a position that you weren't really defending. Sometimes its hard for me to take a real position also because I am too fluid, I yield to others arguments and attempt to understand them.
I depend more on Internet discussion than real discussion. I plan on finding a way to change that. However, I find it difficult to maintain a discussion group beyond a handful of discussions. I could switch to a book reading group, but I'd have to be the one buying it, as usual. I feel so damned poor compared to everyone I know that doesn't participate in my regular attempts at project building.
I think have a club would be a good change. I think it is something I'd like more than just one project or another. I think most collectives work like that. Martial arts, discussion, exploring, zine, movies, radio, flyering. I don't think most collectives work like that. I think most like activism. I can tolerate some anarchist protest activism, but outside of that, not a fan. I don't know why I'd rather do stuff that has nothing to do with helping people beyond acting as a media "tech".
I like being associated with people that give a shit about the world though. I can't say its not appealing to be around people who care. I don't know, its like there is little to support beyond what I create.
I went through a long period of "internalizing" a variety of theories, all the better way to understand them is to become them. People don't understand this method. It's NOT devil's advocate. Sometimes it might be, but most the time it is a real attempt to understand why a position isn't taken. I'm not someone else's devil, I'm my own devil. Rarely do I attempt to repeat this anymore, I think it is better to use other methods anymore, especially sense I seem to have chosen myself. I take the position on more when I see something new that I don't understand and I want to cheat and understand it by becoming it. It is a far faster method, but people hate you later for defending a position that you weren't really defending. Sometimes its hard for me to take a real position also because I am too fluid, I yield to others arguments and attempt to understand them.
I depend more on Internet discussion than real discussion. I plan on finding a way to change that. However, I find it difficult to maintain a discussion group beyond a handful of discussions. I could switch to a book reading group, but I'd have to be the one buying it, as usual. I feel so damned poor compared to everyone I know that doesn't participate in my regular attempts at project building.
I think have a club would be a good change. I think it is something I'd like more than just one project or another. I think most collectives work like that. Martial arts, discussion, exploring, zine, movies, radio, flyering. I don't think most collectives work like that. I think most like activism. I can tolerate some anarchist protest activism, but outside of that, not a fan. I don't know why I'd rather do stuff that has nothing to do with helping people beyond acting as a media "tech".
I like being associated with people that give a shit about the world though. I can't say its not appealing to be around people who care. I don't know, its like there is little to support beyond what I create.
